It’s often said that eating disorders are not so much a problem – but a solution. They are faulty ways of handling life with its stresses and disappointments. Instead of just kicking a habit, recovery means learning how to live - how to of relate to others, to God and to ourselves. This takes time and the support of a loving community – we can’t do it alone, and nor are we meant to.
Recovery is also about getting in touch with who you are or who we are called to be. For many of us, that's the problem! We have no idea. But with encouragement from Christ and His people , we can move forward. Not towards who we think we should be, or who others say we are. But to who He has created us to be.
Revelation 2:17 tells us that Jesus will give us a ‘new name’ on the last day. It’s a name that’s written on a white stone and it’s for our eyes only. It’s who we really are. The ‘new name’ is given to all of God’s people. In Isaiah 62:4 it’s the name ‘Hephzibah’, which is translated: ‘My delight is in her.’ This is thrilling. It tells us of the Lord’s heart leaping with joy when he sees his people. When he looks at me, he is delighted. Not because of my striving, and even in spite of my starving. Not because I hide behind masks or put on a show. The wonder and mystery of the gospel is this: he knows me and yet he loves me. This is what gives me the strength to challenge my addictions.
My book and website are all about this massive issue, but here are a few practical ideas on how to do this. They're not the solution. But if you're determined to get better, they might help:
Get into community. Get as much support as you possibly can – from your church, your friends, self-help groups and others who have come through this. As the Bible reminds us, we are to be devoted to one another (Romans 12:10), to accept one another (Romans 15:7), serve one another in love (Galatians 5:13), be kind and compassionate to one another (Ephesians 4:32), admonish one another (Colossians 3:16), encourage one another (1 Thessalonians 5:11; Hebrews 3:13), spur one another on toward love and good deeds (Hebrews 10:24) and love one another (1 Peter 1:22; 1 John 3:11; 3:23; 4:7; 4:11-12). We need others – and they need us too!
Go to your GP for a check up and see if you can get support. It’s scary – but a big part of getting better.
Keep a prayer journal. (NB: If you're like me, you'll struggle with writing and feeling like it's 'not good enough'. But that's the point. You're not allowed to rewrite! You don't even have to read over what you put down – one of the biggest bits of the exercise is just getting out how you feel). Use words, poetry, art – anything to express yourself healthily. Pour out your heart to the Lord – and ask Him to help you.
Let the gospel in. This is not about performing religiously. It’s about receiving the word of grace. Perhaps get an audio bible to read the Scriptures to you. For me, the gospel stories were wonderful as they reminded me of the Lord who was with me, even in my struggles. Christian songs too can be very powerful.
Take it one minute at a time. This will seem too slow – and sometimes too fast. But the Lord has got you. He will direct your steps (Ps 37:23-4) and He can be trusted (Heb 13:5). There's a reason Jesus tells us to pray for daily bread (Matt 6:11) – if we look ahead we will get swamped and panic. But baby steps are big steps.
Stick to a Schedule. Set times of day for each meal and snack. This way if you have a tendency to skip or forget meals, you won't. Try and plan little activities that don't involve food or exercise. For me, jigsaws, crosswords, DVDs are good.
Give yourself permission to not 'do recovery' perfectly. There will be ups and downs, and times when you don't feel you're getting better. Some days you will go backwards. That'll feel like failure – but this black and white thinking is a big part of the problem. You might lose some battles, but by God's grace you can win the war. When you have a bad day, draw a line under it. Remember: ‘Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness’ (Lam 3:22-23).
Don't trust your feelings. Often they lie. Sometimes you will feel absolutely terrible: that’s because you’re fighting an addiction and it’s not easy. But just because you feel bad, doesn’t mean that you are – or that you’re on the wrong path.
Don't Give Up. You are not on your own. Recovery is hard but by God's grace, you can do it. And it is worth it. He is worth it.
Emma Scrivener was born in Belfast, but now lives with her husband in the south east of England. She suffered from life-threatening anorexia as a child and as an adult. She now speaks and writes about her experiences at www.emmascrivener.net. Her book A New Name is available now.
Emma Scrivener was born in Belfast NI, she speaks at national conferences and events, counsels those with self harm issues and blogs at A New Name. She is married to Glen and they live in Eastbourne
