Eating the enemy

The sense of panic began to rise. Her heart-beat quickened. Her throat tightened. Her stomach began to churn. And she knew that yet again, she would flee the room, the meal lovingly cooked by her friends left uneaten. A true story - a not uncommon story - but one that is desperately misunderstood.

In churches, and the wider society, anorexia and bulimia get quite a lot of press. The issues are known. The patterns for recovery, discussed. But food phobias - that's another matter. All too often considered strange or just plain attention-seeking, the people in our congregations who are genuinely terrified of certain foodstuffs are misunderstood.

So, what is a food phobia? It's when specific foods trigger reactions of anxiety or panic. At their most mild, phobias involve feelings of nervousness and nausea. At their worst, full panic-attacks ensue with strugglers reporting an inability to swallow, breath normally or even be in the same room as their trigger food.

Sometimes there is a clear cause. If you have choked on a peanut in the past, seeing a peanut in the present can engender unpleasant flashbacks. No-one wants to choke twice! But for many, the causes are far more cloaked.

• If food was in the room when an unpleasant experience happened (eg news of a bereavement / a particularly unpleasant family row) the feelings associated with the event can become projected onto the food.
• If sexual abuse has taken place - as a child or an adult - people can feel as though they have absolutely no control over what goes into their body. If presented with food that they are expected to eat, it can feel as if yet another thing is being forced into their physical being. Worried by the prospect of powerlessness, they respond by rejecting the food with great force. They refuse to eat anything other than that which they have specifically chosen to cook themselves.
• If someone has an over-arching fear of new things because "new" has in some way been associated with "pain" (eg a new school resulted in bullying or a new bedroom resulted in sleepless nights), new food can become the focus of great fear. In the mind of the person struggling. subconsciously at least, there is a real worry that the food will hurt them - hurt them badly. All too quickly only a small range of foods are considered safe.

So what can be done? There's a limit to the depth we can go into in a blog post - and, as is often the case, a trip to the GP is always to be recommended - but here are our top 5 hints for helping someone through a food phobia:

1. Take it seriously. It feels awful to be afraid of food. It can be hugely isolating. So love unconditionally and listen to their story with a humble heart.
2. Help them think about when it started. If there is ongoing abuse - contact the relevant authorities. If there has been a troubling incident in the past, pray with them and ask God to comfort them and change them gently. Remind them how precious they are to the living Lord.
3. Reflect on biblical truth together. Food phobias often revolve around issues of control. Something bad has happened in the past and the person wants to control as much of their circumstances as they can in the present to ensure it can't happen again. But the control goes haywire. Reflect on passages that speak of Jesus' authority - the Gospel of Mark is a good place to start. Look at how loving a King he is and talk about the ways in which his wise control over our lives is better than any desperate attempt to control ourselves.
4. Hold them gently accountable. Eating very tiny amounts of the trigger food once a day can gradually help bring evidence that food is not the enemy. Just a teaspoonful of beans or a corner of a biscuit or a single crisp is quite enough to start with. Be with your friend as they begin this new regime. Later in the week, text them just before they attempt to eat, with a biblical encouragement. Ask them to keep a diary so they show you how they are doing and receive your prayerful encouragement.
5. Model perseverance with them. Pray with them and for them as they struggle. And ask them to pray for you and with you as you struggle with whatever it is in your life that you need to tackle. We've all got something lurking!

As with any struggle - change is possible as the Holy Spirit works in people's lives. And in the hands of the living God, that change will be good.

The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,
my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

Psalm 18:2