Taking the heat out of difficult talks

There are some subjects that it's just plain difficult to speak on. Talking on death can reduce anyone who's been bereaved to tears. Addressing personal sins like lust, greed and immorality can easily anger those listening in.

And at times those emotional responses can't and shouldn't be avoided. Sometimes people need to cry - it's a release. And sometimes it's good for the state of our hearts to be exposed by the word of God - then the issues that lie beneath can be dealt with.

But there are other moments, unfortunate moments, where those tears or outbursts are triggered unhelpfully. Occasions when those of us who have the privilege of speaking - whether that's as a preacher, at a women's breakfast or a youth group meeting - use a tone or turn of phrase that is profoundly unhelpful to those listening. Times when we inadvertently cause great distress to those around us.

It's never possible to completely offence-proof our talks. And it's certainly not the speaker's job to pull punches or water down the word of God to make it more palatable. But there are things that we speakers can do to help ourselves be wise and sensitive to those we are called to teach.

Prayerfulness is an obvious first step. Making sure we don't go further than the Bible goes or stop short of what God's word is saying is the second. But beyond that, there are 4 simple points we can encourage ourselves to adopt ...

If we want to take the unhelpful emotional heat out of a talk, we can check that we have plenty of HEAT in the talk!:

• Humility - are we acknowledging that we are not speaking from a position of strength but weakness? We are not perfect. We don't know the full pain and pressures of the lives of the people we are speaking to. And it is God not us who has the answers.
• Empathy - are we acknowledging that all human beings find it hard to hear God's message sometimes? And that includes us. We have things that make us sad. We are sinners who struggle when we're confronted with our rebellion. We understand how painful it can be to hear God's word at times. And how liberating and joy-inducing it can be too!
• Accessibility - are we willing to offer to chat to anyone who has been touched by the subject matter? Or willing to find someone else for people to chat to if that is more appropriate? Do we have a passion to stand alongside others as they change as well as a passion for telling them that God is calling them to change. Are we in for the long-haul of sanctification not just the 30-minute sermon or 10-minute soundbite?
• Tone - are we willing to modify our natural speaking style and communicate in a style that is just slightly slower, gentler and softer than a normal talk might be so that people will hear our words more clearly? And not get distracted by a harsh or insensitive edge.

A simple checklist. A helpful reminder of how we can help people focus on God's word and not get distracted by us.